Author: Colm

Dubliner, drinking Guinness for 20 years. First pint was in the UCD student bar where the taste/ price ratio was unpassuppable (£1.80 a pint!). On a mission to call out shite pints of Guinness & credit good pints where credit's due.

O’Donoghue’s, Dublin, June ’16 (4/4)

My Goodness! Now That’s Guinness!

Talk about hotly anticipated! It was the day of the France match; this was gonna be big. As town was the meet & watch point, what better place to get rolling than good old solid-as-fork O’D’s. We made our way in for 12 & due to the rake of settlers they have nestled around the bar, even at that hour, we had some creamy looking good-things sitting in front of us within 2 minutes. From my recent foray into this much-loved establishment I knew they still had it so from the moment I awoke that morning I had been anticipating some serious pints; the salivating had reached dehydration proportions & I now had just the remedy.

From the look of the creamy head I could tell there was no need for a wobble-test, this pint just needed me to dive right in & I bloody well obliged with a full sized gulp-gargle. Each sup was a cold, full-bodied taste of heaven. Jesus, this is how it’s meant to be. I couldn’t get enough. I would describe both the smell and the taste as “black & creamy”. There was so much depth to the flavour, my whole tongue, nay, my whole mouth was tingling with enjoyment. My first was over so quickly, a second was soon required & it didn’t let me down either. After a gulp you can’t help but exclaim “mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm” & so I did. What a start to the day!

O'D's June 16 s
There’s #1 after a couple o’gulp-gargles with #2 lying in wait… look at her staring over in that close-up, I’d swear she was posing!

These guys do Guinness as it should be; a serious old-school taste & solid creamyness. Throw in the trad band playing away too (yes, they were there at midday) & these pints could just be Dublin’s best. I could drink pints here all day, in fact, I think I’ll do just that sometime in the near future.

Smyth’s Ranelagh, June ’16 (4/4)

My Goodness! Now That’s Guinness!

It was the evening of the Ireland Sweden match and I was on holidays so I was seriously lookin forward to these pints. I’d never drank in this place so was buzzin to be tryin some new taps. It had been over an hour since I ate so I was totally ready for the pint &, thanks to my mate Rob, by the time I arrived there was already a right creamy looking bastard sittin at the table awaiting me. A brief wobble-test confirmed its credentials; the head almost tried to flop for my mouth! The lip-flop hit like a fluffy cloud of darkened goodness caressing my face, & it was oh-so-smooth as it rolled over my tongue & down my throat. The taste was deep & Guinnessey, a delight; I couldn’t wait to get another in.

Smyth Ranelagh June 16 2
Jesus, just look at that cream-leak.

And there were many more, all above par. These guys serve great pints, I will definitely come here again for the G. As with all solid Guinnessing-holes, this place comes with a warning: it’s so good you’ll be 5 deep in a couple of hours. Plan accordingly….. and enjoy.

Dunmore East Golf Club, June ’16 (1/4)

My goodness! Is that Guinness?

It was a another swelteringly hot day in the Sunny South-East & I’d been out & about with the whole family just basking in it. Unfortunately for all concerned, due to the outrageous heat, I had inadvertently locked us out of the holiday home. So, having had to take a wander to track down a ladder, I was sweaty as fork by the time the auld one climbed in an upstairs window to let everyone in. I was bloody parched! I deserved a cool, smooth pint of The Good BlacknWhite.

Thankfully, the clubhouse of the Dunmore East Golf Club was a mere 20 yards from the holiday home so I got to the bar & ordered fairly lively. The pint only cost around €4 so that was a great start. It couldn’t come fast enough the thirst on me but to my abject disappointment it landed in front of me with a bubbly head. Gutted I was, but seeing as I was gasping for a drink I just had to get into it asap. Immediately upon first taste I got squinty-wince-face. The was no mistaking this one, it was all round off.

Dunmore East GC 7 Jun 16 head
Bubbles everywhere. Creaminess severely lacking.

My second attempt confirmed its mankiness as the wincing progressed & my face contorted. Had I not seen it poured myself I would well have thought it was the slops; horrendous it was. I struggled on, each sup worse than the last. By the time I got halfway we had gone from a fluffy to a pencil-tache head; it was time to call it. This was up there with the worst of them & was no longer drinkable. Why pretend you sell Guinness when you actually sell some shite? Just don’t bother. They have pint bottles of Harp, if yer ever here, go there!

Dunmore East GC 7 Jun 16 2
No thank you

The Haven Hotel, Dunmore East, Co Waterford, June ’16 (2/4)

Not Guinness Time, Not Here Anyway

I don’t know how it is for everyone else, but when I’m on my holidays all I can think about is a nice cool pint. Lounging around is lovely; wandering on walks is wonderful; family fun n frolics in freezing seas is fantastic, but all the time on my mind is to find somewhere to enjoy a pint of the smooothest, coolest, creamiest Goodness. Mmmmm, just the thought of it.

It was a blisteringly hot day & I was on on me jollies in the sunny South-East & I was gagging to get a taste of the local attempt. To my delight, my auld pair said they knew a lovely spot with a great view that was perfect for some afternoon refreshment. The sun was splitting the pebbles in front of this period house hotel so we opted for a picnic table with amazing views across the bay to Hook head. The scene was most certainly set, it was missing just one thing. I ordered the pint but was too busy bringing drinks to the family to stay n view the Settler so it was ready n waiting upon my return. I wobble-tested & to my disappointment found a watery cheann. To add to this, the first thing my aul lad said when I sat down was “oooh, awwww, doesn’t look great that”! Irish auld lads probably just know, it’s intuition; you get to a certain age and you just have the-Knowledge-of-the-G. He was right, there were a good few tiny bubbles in the head; a bad omen. There was no lip-flop, twas more like what happens with the head of a beer, and as I tasted it I knew, I just knew the taste had lived up to the look and feel. I even tried to pretend it was half decent the second time I went at it but I had to give up, it just tasted off & my idyllic view was tainted. Too much carbon dioxide I’d say if pushed, but definitely not good enough. Get a beer if you want to enjoy the view but my advice is go somewhere else where the G-punters are treated with the respect they deserve.

VIP Bar, Guinness Storehouse, May ’16 ()

My goodness, Now that’s Guinness

I hadn’t had a pint in a couple of weeks so I was really looking forward to this one. Add to that the fact that this was the VIP Connoisseur Experience bar, nestled away in a secret location deep in the bowels of the Guinness Storehouse, & I had just been shown the best way to get the most taste out of a sup of Guinness, & you can only imagine how raring to go I was when the thimble sized drink was placed on the bar in front of me; my Guinness-senses had reached a crescendo.

VIP2

Nose in the glass, deep breath in through the nose, hold it, take a mid-sized sup, breath out through the nose, swallow. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, damn that was good! My salivary juices were flowing all over, huge flavour really, all around the mouth. I jumped back in & polished it off in about a second. Unfortunately, we only got 2 sips of this amazing 4/4 fluid so I can’t really give it a full rating. The pint I poured later on was a mere 3/4, as was the one I enjoyed in the Gravity bar later too. There is top-quality nectar to be had in this bar, but with the tiny amount they give you after all the Guinness talk, it doesn’t give itself the opportunity to get the Guinnesslove seal of approval.

Crossbar, Davin Stand, Croke Park – Apr’15 (2/4)

Event Drinkable

As most of you are probably aware, event G’s are, in general, fairly poor. If you get an average one you’d be delighted. Often they’re a messy single-pour, lashed out at a furious pace in an effort to cater for the volumes. This, of course, doesn’t engender a happy Guinnexperience but when it’s that, Carlsberg  or a small bottle  of wine, there’s only one winner for me.

The unfortunate thing about looking for a half-time pint in Crokers is that, depending on how well attended the match is, you could find yourself getting served just when they’re about to throw in again, which is exactly what happened me on this occasion. Likely as a result of the crowds of bouseys with pints in their hands hanging around the entrances trying to get a view of the match before heading back to their seats, the-powers-that-be have installed tellies outside the bar so you won’t miss anything, which is very handy. At a fiver, I guess it’s what you’d  expect & it’s not like you can go somewhere else. The pint was a single-pour but it settled fairly well & looked very drinkable.

Davin Stand

I put it to my lips, expecting, from the look of her, a decent bit o’the cream but was immediately disappointed by the watery taste. It wasn’t that the taste was off, as in establishments that show a severe lack of respect to the Guinness by over-carbonating, rather, it was just a lack of taste. It was a pint of Guinness alright, it was just devoid of character. I would class the pint as “stadium drinkable”; you can get it into you in about 3 minutes if necessary in order to get back to the stands & it’ll probably make that first one in the pub after the game that bit more enjoyable. Yes it’s a 2 out of 4 but in all honestly, I’ve had worse in pubs, so it’ll do you for a swifty at half time.

The Bram Stoker, Dublin – Apr’15 (3/4)

Guinness Time

They say your first pint after the birth of a child is one you really savour. I never understood how or why but now I do; it’s because it’s been so bloody long since you had a sup of that creamy Goodness! You’d seen manys the good jar get polished off by your  mates while you were stuck at home, sober as a judge, on baby-watch & now your time has come. My time came on a Wednesday afternoon not 2 weeks after the birth of my first child, & nearly 4 weeks since my last G!

The Bram Stoker is a really nice spot along the Clontarf seafront that is very sparsely populated on a weekday afternoon but has a waiter nonetheless. The pints are €4.50, which is solid in today’s market, so we got off on a good footing. The pint when it arrived looked well but it did seem to contain a few small bubbles which led to some spillage so I was just a little suss ahead of my first taste. I was absolutely gaggin for it at this stage though, a whole month & here it was sitting in front of me looking all lovely so I dived on in. Yesssss, thank you G-sus for giving us your beautiful nectar; it was a beauty & I was back in G-heaven. It was cold & tasty with a nice bit o’the cream, as it should be. It had a lovely G-sniff about it; that smell when yer nose is right in the glass as you gulp it down, & it was a  delight to drink; I savoured the hell out of it, I was one happy G-daddy.

Ri pint

Of course, I went for a second, just to be sure, & this one was even better. Clean headed, perfect collar, creamy & smooth all the way down to the final, glorious finisher. These were great pints & any establishment worth its salt should be able to produce this level of quality if they to ever claim to sell Guinness. A high 3.

BS 2
Look at that for a smoothie!

O’Donoghue’s, Dublin – Mar ’16 (4/4)

My goodness! Now that’s Guinness!

It had been over 15 years since I’d drank here & with the unrivalled amount of good-pints talk surrounding this Guinnessing-hole I was more than eager to give an honest assessment of this establishments efforts. Last time I was here it was small, dark, single-roomed joint & you could barely see bar, not to mention breathe, for the smoke. I don’t recall the quality of the pint at that time, though I was only a nipper in G-terms, a Baby Guinness if you like.

As I had to walk from from work, a good 10 minute journey, I had a serious pre-G going on. This place has trebled in size since my last visit so thankfully there was no problem getting a quick pint, &, to my delight, they keep a load of Settlers at the ready so I had a pint of The Good-BlacknWhite in front of me within seconds.

Ods 1-2

The pint looked grand, bit o’the cream, as it should be, so no issue at first glance. The lip-flop you’d expect from such a sighting followed & the pint was still firmly in the 3/4 bracket. It was at this point that the flavour hit. “Jesus Christ!” I thought; the taste was unreal, G-licious, incredible! My whole mouthnthroat was overcome with flavourful euphoria. I couldn’t get it in quick enough. I followed with 2 gulp-gargles & the flavour was still there throughout. For some reason the taste reminded me of pints of old, such allround thick flavouring. My drinking partners could see the look of astonished delight on my face. God was it good. I had a few more, just to be sure, but believe me, the place lives up to it’s name as a purveyor of fine G. This place has pintability; 4/4 & I cannot wait to get back in here for some more of their incredibly tasty Black Stuff.

Ods 3-2

Mulligan’s, Dublin – Feb ’16 (4/4)

My goodness! Now that’s Guinness!

By now any blog followers will be fully aware that this is my favourite pub, due mainly to the fact that it never delivers anything less than a 4/4. Though I’d had plenty of nice pints over the festive period, I hadn’t had top-notcher in 2016 so was delighted to finally get the chance to drink at the best Guinnessing-hole of them all.

T’was a Wednesday evening but the place was still well populated creating a nice din & the perfect drinking temperature. The pints are fiver even, which is well worth it for the black-soupy perfection that this establishment produces time after time. This beauty landed in front of me, the creamy head seemingly ready to plop out over the top, & my anticipation grew as I knew from experience what to expect.

Mulligans Jan16 2

At this point in a pint you start salivating; it’s the pre-G. I couldn’t resist, I couldn’t savour, I just dived straight in. The quick lip-flop barely had a second to hit me when I was into to gulp-gargle. So tasty on the palate & all the way down; pure BlacknWhite perfection, all the way to the loaded, creamy finisher. Mmmmmm. Never a frown with Mulligan’s brown.  It put me in such a great G-mood that I just delighted in those that followed.

The Palace, Camden St. – Jan ’16 (1/4)

My goodness! Is that Guinness?

This old haunt holds a place in my heart. A great spot back in the day, there are even rumours of nabbed pints in the upstairs club. Not just nabbed pints, empty glasses of Guinness being re-filled, left to settle, then topped up to perfection. I heard a lad once got snared on the second pour & forcibly ejected as a result, an hilarious story if true. Being middle-aged, I really only venture in here for the annual pool-comp myself & some mates play at the end of January so this review is for the downstairs bar rather than the club. It’s kind of a pool hall/ games bar so I wasn’t really expecting much.

Palace 5

The pint looked fine in fairness & had an alright looking head, bit o’the cream, grand looking collar but as ever, the proof is in the tasting. I’d waited all January for this one so I went in for a gulp-gargle, hoping for the best, but alas, as soon as the black had passed the flop I got that sour taste; pure squinty-wince face. This was clearly an unloved pint. I struggled through it but it was wholly unenjoyable. Still, I went for another, just to be safe, & I was hit with the squinty-wincer all over again, all the way through. Each gulp was tough going. These were awful pints. Considering that the Fosters is €4 here, there is no reason to be drinking Guinness in this establishment. Save yourself the pain, go straight to the Fosters. I wish I had.